“You Matter Too: How Support Changed Ali’s Caring Journey”
Sami from Walsall faced the second caring role in his life, but this time, he reached out for support. His story shows the difference it can make when a Carer realises they matter too.
For ten years, I cared for my late dad, who had vascular dementia. That experience had a huge impact on me. I developed PTSD and buried a lot of memories as a way of protecting myself and carrying on.
Then, in November 2025, my mum was diagnosed with cancer.
Suddenly, I was a Carer again.
The first thing I felt was shock. Then all those memories I had buried started coming back. At the same time, I was in the final year of my degree at Birmingham City University. I knew straight away that my final year was going to look very different from how I had imagined it.
No one wants to hear the word cancer. My first thoughts were very negative. One question kept going through my mind:
Did I have the strength to care for another parent again?
I was trying to do everything. I was caring for Mum day and night with very little support while also studying full time.
I was overstretched, overwhelmed and increasingly isolated. My mental health was suffering, but I felt I had to keep going.
One of the best things I did was open up to my personal tutor and lecturers. They listened, understood my situation and gave me advice about how I could keep up with my studies.
After that, I tried telling a few other people I trusted. Some didn’t know what to say. Sometimes I was met with silence. But two people did know what to say, and they became a source of comfort that continues to this day.
When Mum started treatment, things began to feel a little more hopeful. She was responding well and experiencing minimal side effects.
Mum was doing reasonably well.
But I wasn’t.
I knew I needed help
My stress levels were through the roof and my head was full of confused thoughts. My memories of caring for Dad had become tangled up with what I was experiencing while caring for Mum.
My mental health was in tatters.
I knew I was in a dark place and having dark thoughts. But I also knew something important: I wanted to fight this. I wanted to get myself back to a better place. I still wanted to live.
I felt alone and overwhelmed, and I realised I couldn’t carry everything on my own.
I needed help.
Building my toolkit
At the beginning of 2026, I decided to start building my own toolkit of support.
- Finding Walsall Carers Hub
I searched online for support services in Walsall and found Walsall Carers Hub.
I registered and received a wellbeing check. For the first time in a long time, the focus was on me and what I needed.
As a Carer, it can be easy to spend so much time thinking about the person you care for that you forget about yourself. My wellbeing check gave me the chance to reflect on how I was doing and recognise that looking after myself mattered too.
I was then referred to the NHS Caring for Me, Caring for You six-week course, delivered at Walsall Carers Hub.
By the time I completed the course in February, it had helped me address two things I think many Carers experience: Carer guilt and loneliness.
Taking that first step made me realise I needed to do more.
- University Support
I contacted Birmingham City University’s Mental Health and Wellbeing Service and accessed counselling and Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT) during March and April 2026.
I needed support from trained professionals. More importantly, I needed somewhere I didn’t have to be the “strong one”.
I needed a space where I could be vulnerable and admit that I was struggling.
My final year at university did look different. I couldn’t take part in extra-curricular activities and missed a lot of in-person teaching because of regular hospital visits for Mum’s treatment. I became quieter and less interactive with other students.
But I also achieved things I was proud of. Despite everything going on, I mentored two classmates who were struggling with their studies.
3. Taking care of me
The support I received from Walsall Carers Hub also made me think much more seriously about my own health and wellbeing.
I joined the Carers Walk & Talk group, attended wellbeing talks and took part in other group sessions.
Meeting other Carers made a real difference. These were people who understood the challenges of caring without me having to explain everything.
Gradually, I stopped feeling so isolated and alone.
Looking after myself helped me look after Mum
We often hear the example of putting on your own oxygen mask before helping someone else. That is what I have learned through this experience.
Prioritising my own health hasn’t made me less of a Carer. It has helped me give Mum the care she deserves.
I feel better than I did, and my experience of caring for Mum has been different from my experience of caring for Dad.
The support from Birmingham City University and Walsall Carers Hub made a difference to me, but the impact didn’t stop with me. It also made a difference to Mum.
The courses I attended helped me understand how to support the person I care for while managing my own self-care needs.
And the benefits reached another important part of my life – my studies.
With support, encouragement and a new sense of confidence, I completed my bachelor’s degree with First Class honours.
I was also voted Best Student of the HRM Class of 2026 by the teaching staff.
I have now graduated and am continuing my studies at Birmingham City University, where I am starting a master’s degree.
That’s something I’m incredibly proud of.
Life feels more peaceful now
I can see how much Mum has benefited from the support I’ve received too.
I continue to attend the monthly Carers Walk & Talk, and I feel much better equipped to manage my mental health. Most importantly, I don’t feel as isolated.
Life right now feels more peaceful and calm.
For me, that is the difference accessing support has made.
I also think it can be particularly difficult for men to admit when they are struggling. There can still be an expectation that we have to be the strong member of the family and carry everything ourselves.
My experience has taught me something different.
Recognising that you need support and doing something about it is a sign of strength.
Support is for everyone, regardless of gender or background.
My message to other Carers
The biggest lesson I’ve learned is that I don’t have to take everything on my shoulders.
Support was out there. I just had to take that first step, and I’m grateful to the people who were there when I did.
If you’re a Carer in Walsall, I want you to know that support is available. Finding the courage to reach out isn’t always easy, especially when you’re used to putting somebody else’s needs before your own.
But please remember:
No Carer should feel alone. You matter just as much as the person you care for.
And to other men who are caring for someone: don’t feel that you always have to be the strong one.
Talk about what you’re going through. Reach out. Accept support.
I’m glad I did.
